Norm’s Notes: Lost in Sweden

Illustration by Karl Wimer |

You gotta question? I’ll answer it. But don’t be surprised when it’s not the same fluffy, politically correct baloney most of my media colleagues dish up.

Any time you need to know anything, feel free to shoot me a note. Email [email protected], write “Question for Norm” in the subject line, and hopefully Ottewill will forward it to me. Sometimes he’ll even put it in his magazine.

(Note that after 15 years, nobody here is entirely comfortable with me having a company email address.)

Here’s what you people asked me this time around…

How was your trip to Sweden? 
Like being lost in a labyrinthine furniture store.

Is it worse to “not kick and scream” or to “have gotten a little soft”?
Mrs. Norm kicks me out of bed for either.

To you, what would be worth the risk of stealing in China?
Talent on the basketball court or nuclear codes. Either would be helpful.

Do you believe a word Vance Joseph says?
“We need to do better in the red zone.” I believed those words.

Why are the Nuggets so inconsistent?
Half their games are consistently played on the road.

Will a Rockies player ever win an MVP again?
Only if Tracy Ringolsby holds the Baseball Writers Association of America hostage with his peacemaker.

If last season in Boulder was The Rise, then what should this season be called?
The Reality.

How excited were you about Furniture Row Racing wining it all?
I finally took down the glow-in-the-dark velour painting of Jake Jabs petting a tiger above my bed. Plus, I look forward to a celebratory 78 percent off brand-new recliners next week. I read that in the newspaper, right?

Would you trade Demaryius Thomas?
Does someone happen to have an offensive tackle available?

Is it me, or is Brock Osweiler considerably more likable these days?
It’s just you. You’ve been watching too many “Twilight” movies.

Do you think John Elway should take some of the blame for this season?
Yes. And when I say some, I actually mean all.

Do you miss the Snow Angels issue?
Sorry, I have the internet.

Will the Broncos try to draft a rookie quarterback or go get a vet?
Tall guys with big arms can come from all over I suppose. Heck, there might be an NBA forward who’d work.

A quarter of the way through, do you think the Joker is an All-Star?
No, but he’s the best passer in Denver regardless of sport.

Can you believe that C.J. Anderson cried?
Yes, but I figured it would have been over his touch count.

Does DU Hockey get enough respect?
I don’t know, DU they? I’ll see myself out.

Were you surprised that Valor Christian lost?
Not as surprised as Grandview.

Would the Broncos be better off letting the entire coaching staff go before the season ends?
Go where? If they’re swinging by the liquor store, could they grab a little something for poor Norm? I usually run out by halftime.

What did you ask for from Santa?
A new editor.